y is it dat ppl take advantage of me everytime...???

i dint study 2day n dun feel like as well...n even bunked tution....wateva ...n i even went to the extent of sayin sorry to a prsn when i actually din feel like...or wateva...maybe i shud have been sorry

i guess i should do a bit of studies....lets c....dun feel like although...afterall new year is jus 2days away...!!!

bored of me...

I’m bored of me. I’m bored of the same face that stares back at me from my bathroom mirror. I’m bored of my clothes, of the jewelry I wear. I want a make over. Where everything about me will be differentDifferent clothes. Thinner. No fab India. No silver earrings. No vodka n lime cordial. No cheap motorola cellphone. No buses. No metros. No same old curly hair that has looked the same since I was sixteen. No gurjari jhola. No chappals. no reporting stuff that I’m bad at. No wondering about why the bloody hell that guy didn’t call me. No keeping quiet when some one’s mean to me. No more sappy romance novels. No inarticulate speaking. No more whining. No more wallowing.
No more of me.
I want to go out shopping for a brand new me

blah...

life is a big fat beech.
and so is the world.
but.
some things are sweet.
Its just a phase, maybe it’ll pass
But just as long as it lasts…I’ll smile,
wont you too?
Even half a smile will do
(:

she....

...eyes wide open always hoping for the sun
and she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along
a little girl
with nothing wrong
and she's all alone..

I don't wanna grow up....

I have grown up...grown up alot.I am 18,reached my adulthood,I am free,careless,happy,a feel of maturity...momentarily seems to envelope me and then again vanish off suddenly without even making me realize..the flicker of a candle...I don't seem to realize why do people grow up...grow up and fall inlove...and then one day when love turns into a huge,ugly monster...creeps into your life,crawls into your heart and breaks them to pieces,stumping over them and laughs at you saying..'you are a fool'...do you laugh at yourself too?no,you don't..atleast i don't...every now and then when i open my eyes,I know my pillows are wet...
do u call this immaturity?is this being childish?fool?selfish?I don't know ...I don't care...I am carefree...as always..don't want to feel the pain ever again...don't want to fall in love...it HURTS...I DON'T WANNA GROW UP....

its puja time....!!

ahem ahem...its pujas out here...n kolkata is rocking as always...streets filled with lights,decorations,pandals...n ofcoz people..!
panchami...my pujo begun 2day...went out with college friends..24 of us..!!!had fun...adda...food...masti...but something was definitely missing...don't know what...but yes a feeling..that i couldn't ignore even for a momment..
tomorrow...shoshti...aditi,souvik,mitali,andy and rajdeep comin over to my place for lunch.evening...is scheduled 2 be spent at maddox
shaptami...there are no plans as such..as we have our dance as well as our singing programme in the evening
ashtami...i plan to be with my school friends....i know i am going to miss him alot this day..last year he was in a sherwani for the first time...looking damn cute...this year he is LOST..far far away from me..memories still lingers..but yet i have to let it go..y do i keep holding on to things which is never gonna come back??
neways its pujo afterall...and i can't let myself be sad anymore...
navami..ill spend with my friends...and dashami ill be here in my complex..will be going for bhashan..and then spending the evening here at home..
i hope...i stay happy during the pujos..and keep others happy..don't want to let the smile fade off from my lips..i know its not going to be the same without you...it can't be the same...but i promise to be happy...i know that is what you want..

GIRL LANGUAGE.....

If I dont call you...[ its because im waiting for you to call me ]

When I walk away from you mad...[ follow me ]

When I stare at your mouth...[ kiss me ]

When I push you or hit you...[ grab me and dont let go ]

When I start cussing at you...[ kiss me and tell me you love me ]

When I'm quiet...[ ask me whats wrong ]

When I ignore you...[ give me your attention ]

When I pull away...[ pull me back ]

When you see me at my worst...[ tell me im beautiful ]

When you see me start crying...[ hold me and tell me everything will be alright ]

When you see me walking...[ sneak up and hug my waist from behind ]

When I'm scared...[ protect me ]

When I lay my head on your shoulder...[ tilt my head up and kiss me ]

When I grab at your hands...[ hold mine and play with my fingers ]

When I tease you...[ tease me back and make me laugh ]

When I don't answer for a long time...[ reassure me that everything is okay ]

When I look at you with doubt...[ back yourself up ]

When I say that I love you...[ believe me ]

When I bump into you...[ bump into me back and make me laugh]

When I tell you a secret...[ keep it safe and untold]

When I look at you in your eyes...[ dont look away until i do]

When I miss you...[ im hurting inside ]


When you break my heart...[ the pain never really goes away ]


When I say it's over...[ i still want you to be mine ]

Tagged...

If I were a beginning, I would be:the beginning of love
If I were a month, I would be:july
If I were a day of the week,I would be:sunday
If I were a time of day,I would be:early morning
If I were a planet,I would be:pluto
If I were a season,I would be:monsoon
If I were a sea animal,I would be:satarfish
If I were a direction,I would be:south end
If I were a piece of furniture,I would be:bed
If I were a sin,I would be:lust
If I were a liquid,I would be:water
If I were a fraud/scare,I would be:virus
If I were a gem,I would be:ruby
If I were a tree,I would be:casuarina
If i were a tool,I would be:hammer
If I were a flower/plant,I would be:daffodil
If I were a sound, I would be : chirping of the bird
If I were an element, I would be: oxygen
If I were a car, I would be:911 turbo
If I were a song, I would be:white flag-dido
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: stormy
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: piano
If I were an animal, I would be: lion
If I were an emotion, I would be: blush
If I were a vegetable, I would be: tomato
If I were a food, I would be: putchka
If I were a place, I would be: summit of a mountain
If I were a material, I would be: silk
If I were a taste, I would be: sweet n sour
If I were a scent, I would be: the smell of the wet mud
If I were a religion, I would be: humanitarian
If I were a sentence, I would be: full of paradoxes
If I were a body part, I would be: eyes
If I were a facial expression, I would be: smile
If I were a subject in college, I would be: poem
If I were a shape, I would be: diamond
If I were a quantity, I would be: minute
If I were a color, I would be: blue
If I were a thing, I would be: lipgloss
If I were a landmass, I would be: an island
If I were a book, I would be: love story
If I were a monument, I would be: statue of liberty
If I were an artist, I would be: myself
If I were a poem, I would be: unrhymed..
If I were a watch, I would be: fast-track sports watch
If I were God, I would be: god of love..
If I were a vowel, I would be: a
If I were a consonant, I would be: z
If I were a formula, I would be: secret..and not to be revealed
If I were a Science, I would be: numerology
If I were a theory, I would be: applied everywhere..
If I were a famous person, I would be: satyajit ray
If I were a movie, I would be: pretty woman
If I were a cartoon, I would be: daffy duck!
If I were a scientist, I would be: lavoiser...he discovered oxygen
If I were a relation, I would be: bonded forver..neverending
If I were a river, I would be: nile
If I were intoxication, I would be: cocaine
If I were alone, I would be: writing poem..
If I were a question, then I would be: why?
If I were a hobby, I would be: painting
If I were a habit, I would be: literary
If I were in an atom, I would be: nucleus
If I were an end, I would be: end of a love story..happy one..:)
If I were you, I would be:lucky!

I know you are not mine,yet I feel I still own you...I know we'll never be together,yet those memories of bonding I can't let go...I know you have to go,yet ...........................
It was just 2 years back,when WE couldn't stay without each other...beginning from messages,phone calls to love letters...no one could stop us...though we weren't like the other lovers meeting every now and then but every time we meet there was something special...very special...a feeling that would turn my entire soul topsy turvy...luvd it all...you were mine..my HERO...my first love
Today,when you were no more mine...I met you again...was the feeling there?did you feel the same excitement when I suddenly held your hand when a car came too close to me?when the begger on the road said "apki jodi salamat rahe",did you like me wished her words were true?
A few months back ,when on the rare occasions we would go out we were never tired of talking about how much we love each other,but...today we remained silent trying not to look into each others eyes...unspoken words...which spoke miles and will keep on echoing evry time I think of you.At times,when you would look upto me and when our eyes met,the sea of passion that i felt for you long time back and thought had dried up,seemed to be like a sleeping volcano,with the possibility of erupting time and again.
When you told me how happy you were with your new life,life where i didn't belong...I BELEIVED you..though there seemed to be a pain in your voice and your eyes spoke something else,i beleived you...I will ALWAYS beleive you.
I am glad you didn't notice the unshed tears in my eyes when you asked me to take care of myself when you woudn't be here with me any longer,I am glad I could make you beleive that I will be happy without you,I am glad you didn't notice my expression my heart dying to beg you to stay,I am glad i could make you beleive that I am in love once again..
I wish I would turn back and run into your arms...but I knew if i did that I cold never let you go..you are no longer mine...I scolded myself...
something was there and something will always be..no matter how much we deny or try to forget...neither of us can break the invisible connection between us...thanks for making me realize what love is...

SOLITUDE...can't live without it....

The other day;sitting on the roof of my building,I kept on lookin at the sky above trying to find a reason,
a reason of my lonliness.I was alone,lonely,sad...thoughts of separation recurred and blinded me,but i seemed to enjoy evry momment of those tiny droplets kissing my cheeks and reaching upto my lips.i couldn't miss the silence even for a momment.i seemed to be entangled with a rope of mystery with SOLITUDE.....it is a part of me,or rather it is me,my existence,i can't live without it....

Unknown

I,
have a face,have a mind
made of mindless atoms
whose frenzied motion
brings order to my thoughts today.

My thoughts,
my pains,joys,memories
nostalgic alternations of reality
behind whose hinted glasses i see you.

You,
met me,changed me..bade me farewell
a teardrop was a lens that day
broke my world to pieces;not colors
yet a cold smile returned to me
for in a pice of shattered glass
..... I saw you

My Shadow...

A moonlit night
but something is shnning bright..
Look from far,it appears a blur
Look from near,it appears a star.

Deep as the ocean,
fast like the storm
beautiful,yet grave
She seemed to end all rave.

'Who are you?
Someone new?'

I seemed to have
stumbled into a new world
that exists only in pauses
where words end without causes..

She stood under the frozen tree
with her lightning blue eye fixed on me,
Her ruby lips with a smile so wide
Nimbus hair like the waves of sea.

'Who are you?
someone new?'

Like a darkening cloud,
she came close to me
whispered in my ear...
"I am......
wherever words end their loud whisper,
where noises seem to cease,
you'll find me."

She became my everlasting friend,
Lost am I,she is there
Alone am I,she is there
I don't know her name...
I call her..."my shadow"