khuje de...

eii...
amay tor moto ak dotara bajano,
lomba darir,
obinyosto chuler,
dimpled grinwala,
club na jane wala,
nakti byaka,
chokhta taira,
britha pj crack kora,
akashchowa lomba,
shobuj tshirte nei aNka,
gorom cha,
ar shudhu cinema...



akta chele khuje de...
ekkhuni toke mukto kore dicchi....:)

ps:khoj pele janash.

I uncomplicated somebody's life....
feels great!:D
u see...our lives were some way entwined.;)
hope that makes my life simpler too.:)

Standing on edge of the sea i look back and see you following me...holding out your hand and trying not to let me fall ...pleading me to come back...pleading me to be back in your arms.but i move further away wanting to break free...

yet stay i look into your eyes and see the pain and wonder how do i explain??

the world made for you and me is about to end.

each road taking to it is a dead end.

you were someone special and you'll always be.but the love that was between is gone..can't you see??

don't clip my wingslet me fly free.don't hold so tight that i can't breathe.

don't plead second chances it wasn't meant to be.i can't break you again can't you see??

..but i want to make new start..and i know you will always be with me.my companion in happiness,my solace.you are still a part of me ..but the days you want are long gone.nothing but sweet memories to remember them with.

like the roses pressed within my diaries pages...like the dark wintry beautiful nights.but they are gone all the same so forgive me tonight for wanting to break free from your shadow and trying to make a new start..

it did break my heart too to tear you apart but i knew i wasn't the one for you an you weren't the one for me.

our paths crossed as lovers but now as friends we'll always be...

lost woman.

THE STORY OF THE LOST WOMAN.
8th march,2009.
Ambitious,with dark eyes and light brown
hair...she stood 5ft3' high..attractive and head held high.A small town model,she came to the city of joy-kolkata...to chase her dreams...to become an actress.but..she failed.failed miserably.she coudn't keep pace with the thousands of other pretty faces.she was lost..lost in the crowd.completely lost.

i shed a drop of tear after reading this piece...
i closed my eyes for a while...and everything just flashed before me.once again.

when I kept knocking on every producer's door begging for just one role....did they??did they even pay any heed??
when I kept running after fashion houses...just to hire me for a single show...did they??
even though i had the talent..but when my room-mate agreed for a night stand..she was offered the role...and i was declined...did they ever find out then...WHY??
when I carried my portfolio in one hand and ran about from one studio to another...every god-damn men...all that they said with a smile was ...'spend a night with me and your future is built'..did they find out why??
when my mother would call me up every night...i knew father had beat her again..she woudnt tell me anything...but i just knew it...did they find out then...why??
I struggled everyday just to arrange some money for my mother..but that too was snatched away by my father.added an extra bottle of whisky in his pocket.
my boyfriend...a rich son of a rich father...promised to get married to me..fled away.
when he found I was pregnant.
yet,i kept numb...kept struggling....WHY?
they didnt find out..

yes,i ran away.i failed.i couldn't.
wiped away my tears.

the last line of the story read..
'she was found dead today.she hanged herself from the ceiling fan of her rented appartment.'

i smiled to myself..and you call this women's day...ever wondered what happenned to women like us...


HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY...to all

miss you.

The day ended and as usual I was tired.extremely tired.
i just managed to drive back home and lay down on the couch..i didn’t even open my shoes.As soon I closed my eyes I was asleep.
Suddenly…I felt you.your breath very close to my ears.the perfume that always turned me weak.you opened my shoes.i knew it had to be you.you came close to me…and whispered ‘baby,u tired?shall I takeyou to the bedroom?’I murmured..’yes’.
You picked me up in your arms…the warmth.i felt it..i held you tightly..still not opening my eyes…you took me to the bedroom and laid me.
I was waiting for you to come.i knew you wouldn’t go away before kissing me goodnight.i knew you would just hold on to me throughout the night.you have always done that.i kept waiting….
I couldn’t keep waiting any longer…I opened my eyes.i was lying there on the couch.still had my shoes on…
you didn’t come.not today.not yesterday.not the day before.
It was all my imagination.you were just in my thoughts….but…I still couldn’t belive it.it was so real.i felt you.yes,I knew it was your touch.it just had to be you.

I miss you.

angry

i am angry.reely reely angry.maybe for the first time...i actually say this...but...u knw how i feel like right now??i feel like blowing a hard punch on dis f#@$ing monitor.i feel like smashing my cellphone to pieces.i feel like shouting.yellling out my lungs out..and as i type i put my full energy on this f*^$@ing keyboard.i feel like killing somebody.slitting his throans..and bash his head against the wall and juat throw him in some gutter.god damn!

for my entire life of 19years...no one has ever seen me angry.infact,people keep telling me 'tui ki kokhono ragish na?'(do u never get angry?)

to the million of those people...'i do'.i do get angry.maybe it dosen't show in my face...and i end up crying...n u think i am a crybaby....but i simply get angry at myself for not being able to show the anger.i fail to understand why i lack the emotion of being a leo.why the hell do i have such big tear gland...which flows every now and then.

i am angry.i am f@#*ing angry.

random...!

i wrote this today morning..in my maths class...
when evrybody was busy solving sums...i wrote this random thing...simply random words...although i knw its weird..i still labh it...coz its simply..RANDOM!


trains,lamp-posts,railway tracks.
highways flying past...
rolls of laughter..
fleeing away from the world..
petrol pumps and sudden stops.

doing away with life..i wana run away..
run away from mountains and forests.
blue and white clouds..
fading away.
black and white gazes..
i run away..

tick...
tock...the clock strucks...

one...wait ..stop....

two...stop...

three....

there it goes ...unstoppable
watch out!
breathless...
blood stains..
ruined life...ruined everything..
i ran away..
i ran away..