khuje de...

eii...
amay tor moto ak dotara bajano,
lomba darir,
obinyosto chuler,
dimpled grinwala,
club na jane wala,
nakti byaka,
chokhta taira,
britha pj crack kora,
akashchowa lomba,
shobuj tshirte nei aNka,
gorom cha,
ar shudhu cinema...



akta chele khuje de...
ekkhuni toke mukto kore dicchi....:)

ps:khoj pele janash.

I uncomplicated somebody's life....
feels great!:D
u see...our lives were some way entwined.;)
hope that makes my life simpler too.:)

Standing on edge of the sea i look back and see you following me...holding out your hand and trying not to let me fall ...pleading me to come back...pleading me to be back in your arms.but i move further away wanting to break free...

yet stay i look into your eyes and see the pain and wonder how do i explain??

the world made for you and me is about to end.

each road taking to it is a dead end.

you were someone special and you'll always be.but the love that was between is gone..can't you see??

don't clip my wingslet me fly free.don't hold so tight that i can't breathe.

don't plead second chances it wasn't meant to be.i can't break you again can't you see??

..but i want to make new start..and i know you will always be with me.my companion in happiness,my solace.you are still a part of me ..but the days you want are long gone.nothing but sweet memories to remember them with.

like the roses pressed within my diaries pages...like the dark wintry beautiful nights.but they are gone all the same so forgive me tonight for wanting to break free from your shadow and trying to make a new start..

it did break my heart too to tear you apart but i knew i wasn't the one for you an you weren't the one for me.

our paths crossed as lovers but now as friends we'll always be...

lost woman.

THE STORY OF THE LOST WOMAN.
8th march,2009.
Ambitious,with dark eyes and light brown
hair...she stood 5ft3' high..attractive and head held high.A small town model,she came to the city of joy-kolkata...to chase her dreams...to become an actress.but..she failed.failed miserably.she coudn't keep pace with the thousands of other pretty faces.she was lost..lost in the crowd.completely lost.

i shed a drop of tear after reading this piece...
i closed my eyes for a while...and everything just flashed before me.once again.

when I kept knocking on every producer's door begging for just one role....did they??did they even pay any heed??
when I kept running after fashion houses...just to hire me for a single show...did they??
even though i had the talent..but when my room-mate agreed for a night stand..she was offered the role...and i was declined...did they ever find out then...WHY??
when I carried my portfolio in one hand and ran about from one studio to another...every god-damn men...all that they said with a smile was ...'spend a night with me and your future is built'..did they find out why??
when my mother would call me up every night...i knew father had beat her again..she woudnt tell me anything...but i just knew it...did they find out then...why??
I struggled everyday just to arrange some money for my mother..but that too was snatched away by my father.added an extra bottle of whisky in his pocket.
my boyfriend...a rich son of a rich father...promised to get married to me..fled away.
when he found I was pregnant.
yet,i kept numb...kept struggling....WHY?
they didnt find out..

yes,i ran away.i failed.i couldn't.
wiped away my tears.

the last line of the story read..
'she was found dead today.she hanged herself from the ceiling fan of her rented appartment.'

i smiled to myself..and you call this women's day...ever wondered what happenned to women like us...


HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY...to all

miss you.

The day ended and as usual I was tired.extremely tired.
i just managed to drive back home and lay down on the couch..i didn’t even open my shoes.As soon I closed my eyes I was asleep.
Suddenly…I felt you.your breath very close to my ears.the perfume that always turned me weak.you opened my shoes.i knew it had to be you.you came close to me…and whispered ‘baby,u tired?shall I takeyou to the bedroom?’I murmured..’yes’.
You picked me up in your arms…the warmth.i felt it..i held you tightly..still not opening my eyes…you took me to the bedroom and laid me.
I was waiting for you to come.i knew you wouldn’t go away before kissing me goodnight.i knew you would just hold on to me throughout the night.you have always done that.i kept waiting….
I couldn’t keep waiting any longer…I opened my eyes.i was lying there on the couch.still had my shoes on…
you didn’t come.not today.not yesterday.not the day before.
It was all my imagination.you were just in my thoughts….but…I still couldn’t belive it.it was so real.i felt you.yes,I knew it was your touch.it just had to be you.

I miss you.

angry

i am angry.reely reely angry.maybe for the first time...i actually say this...but...u knw how i feel like right now??i feel like blowing a hard punch on dis f#@$ing monitor.i feel like smashing my cellphone to pieces.i feel like shouting.yellling out my lungs out..and as i type i put my full energy on this f*^$@ing keyboard.i feel like killing somebody.slitting his throans..and bash his head against the wall and juat throw him in some gutter.god damn!

for my entire life of 19years...no one has ever seen me angry.infact,people keep telling me 'tui ki kokhono ragish na?'(do u never get angry?)

to the million of those people...'i do'.i do get angry.maybe it dosen't show in my face...and i end up crying...n u think i am a crybaby....but i simply get angry at myself for not being able to show the anger.i fail to understand why i lack the emotion of being a leo.why the hell do i have such big tear gland...which flows every now and then.

i am angry.i am f@#*ing angry.

random...!

i wrote this today morning..in my maths class...
when evrybody was busy solving sums...i wrote this random thing...simply random words...although i knw its weird..i still labh it...coz its simply..RANDOM!


trains,lamp-posts,railway tracks.
highways flying past...
rolls of laughter..
fleeing away from the world..
petrol pumps and sudden stops.

doing away with life..i wana run away..
run away from mountains and forests.
blue and white clouds..
fading away.
black and white gazes..
i run away..

tick...
tock...the clock strucks...

one...wait ..stop....

two...stop...

three....

there it goes ...unstoppable
watch out!
breathless...
blood stains..
ruined life...ruined everything..
i ran away..
i ran away..

i came to know alot of things about me....i am just not meant for it...meant for anything at all.ill need time but i know for sure...one day,dunno wat will happen one day...but one thing is for sure...ill find my happiness...:)

m nt depressed...m jus paranoid...

he
he makes me fall for him...i trip n fall
he picks me up...i fall for him again
n again...yet again...
again


again....

he falls along with me
we enjoy it
we fall together

togther again

it hurts
the pain of falling again n again

yet i seem to enjoy the wounds
he dosent
gives up on falling wd me

it would be the never ending process if i hadnt been 'his cup of tea'.
he broke my heart to pieces

we hope to fall in love...bt sometimes it simply dosen't happen

Truth or dare
to love by the books, folk-lores and myths.

Winter warmth,
like hesitation slides over slippery snow surface.

Railway tracks
converge into snake curls in distant horizons.

Traffic lights,
still blinking as eternal love crashes into mortality.

Stars swallow
little dews as wheels vaporize night to brightness.

An eye-opener,
the morning sun, at times luminous, other times ambiguous

y is it dat ppl take advantage of me everytime...???

i dint study 2day n dun feel like as well...n even bunked tution....wateva ...n i even went to the extent of sayin sorry to a prsn when i actually din feel like...or wateva...maybe i shud have been sorry

i guess i should do a bit of studies....lets c....dun feel like although...afterall new year is jus 2days away...!!!

bored of me...

I’m bored of me. I’m bored of the same face that stares back at me from my bathroom mirror. I’m bored of my clothes, of the jewelry I wear. I want a make over. Where everything about me will be differentDifferent clothes. Thinner. No fab India. No silver earrings. No vodka n lime cordial. No cheap motorola cellphone. No buses. No metros. No same old curly hair that has looked the same since I was sixteen. No gurjari jhola. No chappals. no reporting stuff that I’m bad at. No wondering about why the bloody hell that guy didn’t call me. No keeping quiet when some one’s mean to me. No more sappy romance novels. No inarticulate speaking. No more whining. No more wallowing.
No more of me.
I want to go out shopping for a brand new me

blah...

life is a big fat beech.
and so is the world.
but.
some things are sweet.
Its just a phase, maybe it’ll pass
But just as long as it lasts…I’ll smile,
wont you too?
Even half a smile will do
(:

she....

...eyes wide open always hoping for the sun
and she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along
a little girl
with nothing wrong
and she's all alone..

I don't wanna grow up....

I have grown up...grown up alot.I am 18,reached my adulthood,I am free,careless,happy,a feel of maturity...momentarily seems to envelope me and then again vanish off suddenly without even making me realize..the flicker of a candle...I don't seem to realize why do people grow up...grow up and fall inlove...and then one day when love turns into a huge,ugly monster...creeps into your life,crawls into your heart and breaks them to pieces,stumping over them and laughs at you saying..'you are a fool'...do you laugh at yourself too?no,you don't..atleast i don't...every now and then when i open my eyes,I know my pillows are wet...
do u call this immaturity?is this being childish?fool?selfish?I don't know ...I don't care...I am carefree...as always..don't want to feel the pain ever again...don't want to fall in love...it HURTS...I DON'T WANNA GROW UP....

its puja time....!!

ahem ahem...its pujas out here...n kolkata is rocking as always...streets filled with lights,decorations,pandals...n ofcoz people..!
panchami...my pujo begun 2day...went out with college friends..24 of us..!!!had fun...adda...food...masti...but something was definitely missing...don't know what...but yes a feeling..that i couldn't ignore even for a momment..
tomorrow...shoshti...aditi,souvik,mitali,andy and rajdeep comin over to my place for lunch.evening...is scheduled 2 be spent at maddox
shaptami...there are no plans as such..as we have our dance as well as our singing programme in the evening
ashtami...i plan to be with my school friends....i know i am going to miss him alot this day..last year he was in a sherwani for the first time...looking damn cute...this year he is LOST..far far away from me..memories still lingers..but yet i have to let it go..y do i keep holding on to things which is never gonna come back??
neways its pujo afterall...and i can't let myself be sad anymore...
navami..ill spend with my friends...and dashami ill be here in my complex..will be going for bhashan..and then spending the evening here at home..
i hope...i stay happy during the pujos..and keep others happy..don't want to let the smile fade off from my lips..i know its not going to be the same without you...it can't be the same...but i promise to be happy...i know that is what you want..

GIRL LANGUAGE.....

If I dont call you...[ its because im waiting for you to call me ]

When I walk away from you mad...[ follow me ]

When I stare at your mouth...[ kiss me ]

When I push you or hit you...[ grab me and dont let go ]

When I start cussing at you...[ kiss me and tell me you love me ]

When I'm quiet...[ ask me whats wrong ]

When I ignore you...[ give me your attention ]

When I pull away...[ pull me back ]

When you see me at my worst...[ tell me im beautiful ]

When you see me start crying...[ hold me and tell me everything will be alright ]

When you see me walking...[ sneak up and hug my waist from behind ]

When I'm scared...[ protect me ]

When I lay my head on your shoulder...[ tilt my head up and kiss me ]

When I grab at your hands...[ hold mine and play with my fingers ]

When I tease you...[ tease me back and make me laugh ]

When I don't answer for a long time...[ reassure me that everything is okay ]

When I look at you with doubt...[ back yourself up ]

When I say that I love you...[ believe me ]

When I bump into you...[ bump into me back and make me laugh]

When I tell you a secret...[ keep it safe and untold]

When I look at you in your eyes...[ dont look away until i do]

When I miss you...[ im hurting inside ]


When you break my heart...[ the pain never really goes away ]


When I say it's over...[ i still want you to be mine ]

Tagged...

If I were a beginning, I would be:the beginning of love
If I were a month, I would be:july
If I were a day of the week,I would be:sunday
If I were a time of day,I would be:early morning
If I were a planet,I would be:pluto
If I were a season,I would be:monsoon
If I were a sea animal,I would be:satarfish
If I were a direction,I would be:south end
If I were a piece of furniture,I would be:bed
If I were a sin,I would be:lust
If I were a liquid,I would be:water
If I were a fraud/scare,I would be:virus
If I were a gem,I would be:ruby
If I were a tree,I would be:casuarina
If i were a tool,I would be:hammer
If I were a flower/plant,I would be:daffodil
If I were a sound, I would be : chirping of the bird
If I were an element, I would be: oxygen
If I were a car, I would be:911 turbo
If I were a song, I would be:white flag-dido
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: stormy
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: piano
If I were an animal, I would be: lion
If I were an emotion, I would be: blush
If I were a vegetable, I would be: tomato
If I were a food, I would be: putchka
If I were a place, I would be: summit of a mountain
If I were a material, I would be: silk
If I were a taste, I would be: sweet n sour
If I were a scent, I would be: the smell of the wet mud
If I were a religion, I would be: humanitarian
If I were a sentence, I would be: full of paradoxes
If I were a body part, I would be: eyes
If I were a facial expression, I would be: smile
If I were a subject in college, I would be: poem
If I were a shape, I would be: diamond
If I were a quantity, I would be: minute
If I were a color, I would be: blue
If I were a thing, I would be: lipgloss
If I were a landmass, I would be: an island
If I were a book, I would be: love story
If I were a monument, I would be: statue of liberty
If I were an artist, I would be: myself
If I were a poem, I would be: unrhymed..
If I were a watch, I would be: fast-track sports watch
If I were God, I would be: god of love..
If I were a vowel, I would be: a
If I were a consonant, I would be: z
If I were a formula, I would be: secret..and not to be revealed
If I were a Science, I would be: numerology
If I were a theory, I would be: applied everywhere..
If I were a famous person, I would be: satyajit ray
If I were a movie, I would be: pretty woman
If I were a cartoon, I would be: daffy duck!
If I were a scientist, I would be: lavoiser...he discovered oxygen
If I were a relation, I would be: bonded forver..neverending
If I were a river, I would be: nile
If I were intoxication, I would be: cocaine
If I were alone, I would be: writing poem..
If I were a question, then I would be: why?
If I were a hobby, I would be: painting
If I were a habit, I would be: literary
If I were in an atom, I would be: nucleus
If I were an end, I would be: end of a love story..happy one..:)
If I were you, I would be:lucky!

I know you are not mine,yet I feel I still own you...I know we'll never be together,yet those memories of bonding I can't let go...I know you have to go,yet ...........................
It was just 2 years back,when WE couldn't stay without each other...beginning from messages,phone calls to love letters...no one could stop us...though we weren't like the other lovers meeting every now and then but every time we meet there was something special...very special...a feeling that would turn my entire soul topsy turvy...luvd it all...you were mine..my HERO...my first love
Today,when you were no more mine...I met you again...was the feeling there?did you feel the same excitement when I suddenly held your hand when a car came too close to me?when the begger on the road said "apki jodi salamat rahe",did you like me wished her words were true?
A few months back ,when on the rare occasions we would go out we were never tired of talking about how much we love each other,but...today we remained silent trying not to look into each others eyes...unspoken words...which spoke miles and will keep on echoing evry time I think of you.At times,when you would look upto me and when our eyes met,the sea of passion that i felt for you long time back and thought had dried up,seemed to be like a sleeping volcano,with the possibility of erupting time and again.
When you told me how happy you were with your new life,life where i didn't belong...I BELEIVED you..though there seemed to be a pain in your voice and your eyes spoke something else,i beleived you...I will ALWAYS beleive you.
I am glad you didn't notice the unshed tears in my eyes when you asked me to take care of myself when you woudn't be here with me any longer,I am glad I could make you beleive that I will be happy without you,I am glad you didn't notice my expression my heart dying to beg you to stay,I am glad i could make you beleive that I am in love once again..
I wish I would turn back and run into your arms...but I knew if i did that I cold never let you go..you are no longer mine...I scolded myself...
something was there and something will always be..no matter how much we deny or try to forget...neither of us can break the invisible connection between us...thanks for making me realize what love is...

SOLITUDE...can't live without it....

The other day;sitting on the roof of my building,I kept on lookin at the sky above trying to find a reason,
a reason of my lonliness.I was alone,lonely,sad...thoughts of separation recurred and blinded me,but i seemed to enjoy evry momment of those tiny droplets kissing my cheeks and reaching upto my lips.i couldn't miss the silence even for a momment.i seemed to be entangled with a rope of mystery with SOLITUDE.....it is a part of me,or rather it is me,my existence,i can't live without it....